


we're at the end of the line

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, Everything is Complicated, Feelings, Friendship/Love, M/M, Not Beta Read, Someone stop me, complicated feelings, i'm on a writing roll, kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 10:59:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16993767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: "Slowly, carefully, Javier reaches for it and unlocks the screen, ignoring a few notifications demanding his attention. He's not really in the mood for that, his fingers moving clumsily and his throat feeling dry. He takes a deep breath and opens his twitter, but closes it almost immediately, before he can do something utterly stupid, like watching that video again."(aka Javi has feelings and maybe some kind of realizations)





	we're at the end of the line

**Author's Note:**

> Don't mind me, I'm just dealing with feels.  
> Title from 'Ending' by Isak Danielson, highly recommend!  
> As always, this is fiction and I hope you enjoy!

 

His phone is resting peacefully on a night table right next to him, and Javi can't help but stare at it.

Does he want to pick it up?

Should he?

It's frustrating, and Javi only gets angry with himself for being so stupid, but he still stares, and his fingers still itch to grab that damn phone and-

And what?

Slowly, carefully, Javier reaches for it and unlocks the screen, ignoring a few notifications demanding his attention. He's not really in the mood for that, his fingers moving clumsily and his throat feeling dry. He takes a deep breath and opens his twitter, but closes it almost immediately, before he can do something utterly stupid, like watching that video again.

This is stupid, he is stupid, absolutely and utterly ridiculous, and he didn't sign up for any of that.

It was supposed to be clean and painless, and not like that, waking him up on the other side of the world and making his chest feel weird and heavy.

Javi swallows hard and opens that one app he barely uses, because the only person he talks to through it is awful at texting. He stares at the last messages, his _take of yourself, okay? I believe in you_ and Yuzuru's simple _thank you_ accompanied by a smiling face.

That's it, dry and almost painfully distant. Javi is used to that, because it's always this way, but suddenly it bothers him so much he's almost getting angry at the whole damn universe.

 _I've heard you miss me_ he types and deletes it immediately, not even knowing why. It is teasing and light, exactly like him, but it feels wrong, somehow.

_Hey, what's up? How are you feeling?_

He stares at the words, at the blinking cursor. Maybe it's the way, to pretend that he didn't see anything. Knowing Yuzu, he probably has no idea about this whole thing, so why bringing that up.

Why does he even feel that he has to write something? Nothing really changed.

Or maybe, everything changed.

Delete.

It's not like him, to be loss for words. He talks and he laughs, and he's honest and open.

He is happy. He is, right?

_I miss you everyday, more than I thought I would. I thought about leaving a lot but I never imagined it would be like that. Sometimes it feels weird to be on the ice without you._

He knows he should stop, but his fingers keep on moving on their own now.

_I hope Brian was wrong. I hope you don't miss me that much. I hope you're happy._

His eyes burn.

_I hope you're happy without me._

His chest feels so tight he has to focus on breathing.

He stares down, at the bright screen where all his burden is so clearly visible behind these few lines.

It is so easy, to press send.

It is so easy, but he doesn't do that.

Javi closes his eyes and turns the phone off.

Then he hides his face in the pillow and pretends that he is okay.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Let me know in the comments and thank you so much for reading!


End file.
